i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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