I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
