she smelled like a LAN party
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
