Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
