Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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