i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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