i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
