I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
how drunk are you?
Several
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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