8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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