Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize