Define "chronic" masturbator.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
