you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
