i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
