a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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