you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
