I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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