I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All I want is dick and wine.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
