exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
