..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need water and some morals
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