i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
