He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
