she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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