WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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