we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize