I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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