She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
