I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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