my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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