was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so let's talk penis.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize