champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
