I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
