I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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