Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize