Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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