I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
