Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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