I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Randomize
