you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
