turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
