never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
