oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
