he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize