well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
