i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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