Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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