Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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