So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize