He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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