worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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