Have you finally orgasmed yet?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize