I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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