If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
