i jhust puked up my retainher.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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