I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
