My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
