Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
