He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
