i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
