Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
