Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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