Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
one might say we're banned from that church
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
