Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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