Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize