You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
