I wanna bring you to show and tell
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
