just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
