It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
