I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
