Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
