false alarm. still invincible.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
