Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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