I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
