Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
