he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
