I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
