He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
