You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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