Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize
