i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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